Do the Right Thing: Respond

Tri, Camp Fire teen & healthy choice champ

The field of youth development research puts a lot of stock in decision-making skills. Youth-serving organizations seek to help kids grow the ability to make healthy decisions. This emphasis on decision-making pre-dates youth development work as we now know it. Most cultures have rules and mores that guide social behavior. From the Bible to the Golden Rule, to Mayor Bloomberg’s ban on jumbo sized soft drinks, to the Constitution of the United States, guidance for good decisions that are healthy for the individual and society abound. It’s worth noting, though, that the act of making a decision is empowering for youth and teens. Consider the practice of gratitude as explained by Ted Talk sensation, Benedictine Monk and nonagenarian, Brother David Steindl-Rast.

decision-making at Camp Tanadoona

Rast suggests that we can be grateful for this moment. Does he mean that we have to be grateful for everything, including war, disease or famine? No. He means that we can be grateful for this moment, this opportunity to take a closer look at life, even war, and we can respond. Responding is way different than reacting. Think of your knee when the doc bangs on it with that funny little pink hammer. That’s a reflex, a reaction you cannot control. A healthy decision, is a thoughtful mindful choice, a response to what might be a really challenging stimulus.

targeting self-control

Let’s say your daughter witnesses the bullying of a peer in the school bathroom. If she punches the bully in the nose, or turns on her heel and walks away, she is reacting. We think of this as impulsive behavior, and it often looks like an instant, physical reaction:  fight or flight. That’s our amygdala again, over-riding your humanity. 

If, instead, your daughter responds to the situation, making a healthy choice, well that's arguably a lot harder. Youth development professionals, teachers and parents know that responding takes practice, and even years of coaching. If you are a parent, you may remember how hard it was to teach your toddler to share--responding takes lots of practice.

sharing fun and friendship at Camp Fire Club

Rast identifies a process for practicing gratitude and I think it is very similar to the problem-solving strategies educators, youth development mentors and parents encourage. Rast says, “Stop. Look. Go!” He means be aware, take a closer look and consider, then act or make your choice. 

No guidance counselor or youth facilitator will encourage your daughter to ignore bullying. In fact, any principled youth professional will tell a kid frankly that if they bystand without intervening in some fashion, they are accessory to the fact, empowering the bully and tacitly enforcing the behavior. The social contract, the Golden Rule if you will, makes healthy choice the imperative. Do the right thing. Acknowledge and act:  speak up, help the victim and recruit a higher power to intervene. Stop, look, go.

I am pretty sure that practicing gratitude and making healthy choices can be the hardest work on earth. We are individually and collectively challenged to find a way to be grateful for this moment, and to choose a response, instead of a reaction, every day. The risks of simply reacting to challenges are great. 

feeling the power on Lake Minnewashta

Inequity, prejudice, violence and poverty have the potential to deprive kids of power, but helping them discover self-control and healthy decision-making, can turn reaction into response, even saving lives. Drug addiction, teen pregnancy and crime can be reactions to challenging circumstances, but when kids grow decision-making skills, they can strive to choose a healthy response to each challenge.

To learn more about how Camp Fire empowers kids to respond, investigate some of our healthy choice allies: The Search Institute, Allina Health and Wakanheza Project.